Uhm, I don’t even know where to start. This has been the longest I’ve gone without blogging since starting this blog, & a lot has happened since May-August that just can’t be put into one blog post, but I will try.
Where to start? hmmm let’s go back to May… In May I graduated from college with my Bachelor’s Degree and although I couldn’t have been happier, I definitely was NOT PREPARED. I wasn’t prepared for the emotional toll job hunting would have on me. Granted, I’ve heard from fellow colleagues about how difficult finding a job after graduation is, however, I truly never imagined it was that hard. I guess I underestimated how long it would take to even get a call back for an interview.Nevertheless, I decided I deserved a break after all, I’d been working and going to school full time for the past six years.
Fast forward to June, I had planned a graduation celebration trip with my soul sisters Stephanie and Miriam (I vlogged our Vegas adventures here) but I didn’t finish uploading the three-part Vegas vlog because my MacBook completely died. It stopped working out of nowhere which completely threw me off guard. Little did I know, that was the least of my seemingly never-ending list of problems that occurred thereafter.
Next came July (My birthday month!) I did a lot of traveling back and forth to Mexico, went to Austin, and celebrated my birthday at Canyon Lake with my family. I wasn’t stressing too much about finding work at that time; I was financially stable (hooray for savings $$$) I was enjoying my time off.
Summer ended and it was August, time to get ready for school, or so my mind kept telling me LOL. I consider myself a creature of habit, and so realizing that I wouldn’t be going back to school became a hard pill to swallow. I switched into panic mode and began scouring the internet for job leads, I was stuck to my laptop day and night on the job hunt. Unfortunately, reality set in once the rejection emails began to pour in.
What people don’t tell you is that these job applications aren’t just regular job applications. I had to submit five documents of endless self- promotion for each job and it was extremely exhausting. I would get emails saying I didn’t have enough experience or they opted for someone who did. It was very heartbreaking to read considering all the effort and time spent on college internships. This went on for the next twelve weeks, no joke.
Then FINALLY I got a call for an interview… that interview went great and the boss told me I got the job! It’s December & I’m currently waiting to start that job. Part of me was convinced this day would never happen.
Going back to August a lot of life changing things happened. My sister moved out and bought her own house. My car stopped working so that was another thing that needed to get fixed. Oh and also my tooth filling popped off because I was stress crunching my teeth from all the damn stress. Yeah, this year was just not the best but that’s the thing about life, no one said it was going to be easy. We just got to keep going and hope that the next day will be different.
Graduating made me realize how lonely I really am. I always put my love life on the back burner because I gave the excuse that I didn’t want to get distracted and I just told my friends that no one liked me. Part of that was true. I always complain that I’ve never been asked to go on a date, but that is false. This really nice guy who I probably should have said yes to, invited me on a sushi date. I just didn’t have the heart to tell him I don’t like sushi, I’m sure he would have understood and we could have done something else but I was just finding excuses to not date anyone. I promised myself I would go to school and finish it without anyone to distract me, and I did it. But at what cost? There’s this poem that says that at the end of the day where your at won’t matter, your job or degree won’t matter if you’re not with a loved one to share it with, and that’s true. I wish I had someone to share my happiness with, someone I could share my graduation with, to go on a trip with, to share all these things you should share with your partner. But I don’t and that’s my fault. There’s so many more reasons why Im alone and my own insecurities are also to blame. Anyway, I have decided that the next person who asks me out on a date, I am going to say yes to. Im tired of being lonely.
Where am I now? and what have I learned? I am still depressed, and I have learned nothing….
I’m joking. I have learned a lot about myself now, I know what I need to work on, and I know what I have to do to be a better person, a better friend and worker. Im optimistic about where the future is heading. I hope to keep meeting people, and I hope to rekindle friendships and getting to know people now. Im tired of looking and thinking about the past, I moved on from it long ago. Im ready for the future and what is next. So that’s where I am now. That’s why I haven’t blogged in forever ago. Im so sorry and I want to be better! I know I always say it, and just know when I do, I mean it with my whole heart. I love you guys, and thanks for sticking by me. Oh and thank you for reading this if you did. I love you more.